Judas, the sun child
Judas had a difficult name to bear but would not have changed it for the world.
In a very ancient legend, it is said that this son who will love his name and carry it with pride will be loved by God on earth and in heaven because his name will resound with universal deceit.
Judas grew up with his name and learnt to understand men faster and better than anyone else. Life in its entirety was within him and every day he discovered a little more about the universe.
Light shone within Judas’ head, and he knew it, but he would still wait until dawn before he dared sleep, because he was frightened of night time.
Here, he had scraped his knees, broken his heart, had fits of laughter and sometimes cried… Judas had pilfered, shouted, broken things and sulked in every corner and tiniest cubby hole of his childhood home.
He loved his parents and sometimes hated them too. He had been hot and cold, hungry too, though only out of pride and because that’s the way he wanted it.
He had been alone and desperate often, but without ever betraying his most beautiful thoughts.
He had always striven to walk, to put one foot in front of the other, to move and breathe so that he could be proud of himself every day of his life…
Illustrations of Judas the Sun Child
Mozart
…Motionless in the rain, Judas watched the hearse pulled by three black horses pass by. A voice seemed to emerge from the carriage, telling him:
“You came. I am happy to know you are here and that your presence is lighting up the rest of my journey.
How did you know?” he continued.
Judas answered:
“On the banks of the river where I live, I received a message”.
“The message I sent and you understood”, said his friend in amazement. “How did you do that?”
“It was not incomprehensible to me”, answered Judas. “My writing resembles notes of music, it was easy”.
“What is your name?”
“My name is Judas”.
“Yes, I understand. I love your name”, continued the voice. “I can tell you Judas, that I am afraid of this night that will never turn into morning. Every sound of pounding hooves brings me closer to this unknown place which makes me shudder with fear.
When I was a child, I woke so many times with a heavy heart, filled with fear. I had to learn to think about beautiful things to drive away these images of endless darkness which left me devastated in my bed.
Judas”, he continued, in the same unsettling voice, “Do you know that I never experienced the beautiful, simple things in life? My short lifetime was devoted to music. My childhood years were spent composing. I was put on display like a scholarly circus animal and now, on my final journey, I am left with no-one.
Judas with his angel
Judas in his room watching Mozart’s carriage
The last few to accompany me dropped off along the way. An hour’s walk was too much to ask of them.
Judas, had you not come, I would have now felt distraught with loneliness. Listen closely to what I am going to say to you.
When you return to the banks of the river, will you do something for me?”
“Of course”, answered Judas. “I would do anything for you”. His friend continued:
“Firstly you will go to my house. I have hidden a music score in a secret place that nobody knows. It is the finest piece of music I have ever composed, the dearest to my heart. Take it and when you arrive home, put it in a bottle and then throw the bottle into the river. It will find me.”
Then he added:
“Please Judas, stay until the end. I will need you.”
Judas said to him:
“My angel will stay beside you and your angel to help you”.
“Which angel do you mean?” asked Mozart.
“The angel, of course”, repeated Judas in a slightly stronger voice. He added:
“Don’t you know yours?”
“No, can you explain?”
“I may not have time”, answered Judas.
He remained silent for a long time then continued:
“Do you know that the reason I can speak to you is through my angel addressing yours. There is such a thing as an angel, but very few people know”.
Judas continued:
“You grow in your mother’s womb for several months and then one day, if all goes well, you enter the world of mankind. But when you are conceived, another immaterial being is created.
He exists and lives on a parallel path, one where beings and things do not have the same significance or even appearance. You cannot see him, but he is looking down on you every second of your life. He is the most beautiful and most secretive part of you. He is that most inexplicable part of you, and the most profound, because in fact he guides your entire life”.
Judas continued in a softer tone:
“Your angel is in the air you breathe, in each of your steps, in you and around you.
The baby born into the world that will become a man is only the most imperfect form, only the appearance of the unique being that was really created.
The angel is invisible, unknown to most humans, no sorry, I meant, “inhumans”.
The angel is. He evolves; he lives in the past, present and future. He knows your destiny and sees your life in its entirety. In his universe, there is no existential time. The angel watches you; follows your every gesture; knows each of your thoughts, the most beautiful and also the most shameful. He guides your steps but only if you are worthy of taking part in his movement.
I cannot hear you any more, are you still there?”
“Yes, I am here”, answered the voice from within the carriage. “I was thinking about what you just told me. Of course, it is the truth, but who taught you about it?” he added.
“Nobody”, answered Judas. “I have always known it”.
“I had an angel”, said the voice, “and I was so blinded that I did not… that I did not see my true self. Judas, dear child, if you had not found the bottle and the message it was carrying, I think I may have died because of it”.
The carriage had stopped. Two men dressed in black were waiting with spades in hand.
“Judas, are you there?”
“Yes, I am here, but please let me go. I am still young and there are things I don’t want to see”.
“Stay a little longer”, said the voice, before adding: “When you have put the music in the bottle, can you tell your angel to ask mine to slide inside the bottle too, so that it can find me”.
“That is not possible”, answered Judas, “unless he wants to. Now I must leave. You will often be in my thoughts”.
“Goodbye”, said the voice and added:
“Dear Judas, I would love to have known you. I would have wanted you to be my brother, my friend in this world of men. In the darkness that has surrounded me up until now, a dot is shining over there and the path leading me to it is already lighting up my life”.
Judas had closed his eyes when he heard the dull sound of the first shovel-full of earth and stones. His frail shoulders began to tremble, then he left without looking back.
